By Lexie Brada
College Check-List
- Write ‘Thank You’ cards for Graduation Presents
- Pack Up Your Room
- Have One Last Goodbye Party With High-School Friends
- Re-pack what you’re taking with you to college five or six times (and it’s only June)
- Pick Out Room Bedding
- Pick Classes
- Find A Dorm-Mate
When going to college, finding a dorm-mate for your first year of college (or any year after) can seem like a daunting task. Oftentimes, colleges will suggest you stay on campus in a dorm your first year to get to know the campus and meet new people. Some colleges even offer dorms all four years, since you might be going to a campus that is a bit more closed-off from surrounding cities.
When it comes to finding a dorm-mate (or two), if you’re not opting for a single room or not given that option, there are usually three routes that might be available to you.
- Go totally random. Just let fate decide. (This is how I went my freshman year. I wish I could have better things to say about Miss Fate and her hands of picking my dorm-mate)
- Choose a friend, maybe a best friend, if you’re going to college together
- Choose someone you don’t know, but utilize a campus pair program or join a FB/Discord group for new students and try to find a roommate on there
Out of all the doors, even if number two seems like a shiny new lamborghini, pick number three. It’s the best balance of these options!
If you’re very unlucky, you’ll end up with someone that you not only don’t gel with, but worse, that you don’t get along with at all. It will drive you crazy, and you’ll wish you had a better freshman experience. There are plenty of random matches that go great, but why take that chance?
If you live with a friend, I’m entirely serious when I write this, you risk losing the friendship entirely. Living with a roommate is really hard. We tend to hold people we know to different standards, and this can cause a lot of tensions and fights. If you fight too much, you may start to forget why you were friends in the first place.
The happy medium between these two options is to room with someone you don’t know, but that you have vetted. The questions below will help you find the person who’s the right fit!
Now, word of advice. There are a lot of questions listed below. When you’re interviewing potential roommates, you may seem like a crazy person if you ask them 100 questions about themselves. There are only 20 on this list, but even that can seem a bit much. This list is also not exhaustive. There might be questions that are vital for you to ask that I didn’t cover. This is a guide if you have no idea where to begin. So, pick the ones that seem the most important for you to know about someone else and use their answers - and trust your gut - to help pick the person you’ll be sharing close quarters with for nine months.
On the flip side, you should also be thinking about how YOU would answer these questions, so you can also be giving some information in return when you’re trying to figure out your future roomie. And make sure that you’re open to answering any questions they have as well! Living with a roommate is a two way street - start to finish.
ASK THEM….About Schedules
You Should Ask:
Are you a night owl or a morning person?
Why You Should Ask This:
Similar to before, we love all types of winged animals here, owl or bird alike, but having to fight over when the lights go off or keeping (or waking) the other person up because you’re on two totally different schedules doesn’t seem like fun for anyone.
You Should Ask:
What does a typical schedule (school days and non-school days) look like for you?
Why You Should Ask This:
Okay, so maybe you’re both early risers! But perhaps your roommate’s idea of a perfect morning is doing yoga in the middle of the room when you just want to be able to get your coffee and get dressed without stumbling over someone in the middle of downward dog. Even if you’re on the same wake/sleep schedule, it doesn't mean that routines or the type of life you live will be compatible. I wouldn’t expect an itemized reply to this question, but hopefully a potential roommate can give you a pretty good idea of what they like to do and when.
You Should Ask:
How do you like to study?
Why You Should Ask This:
There are thousands of different ways people study. Here are a few ‘either ors’ that might be a good idea to ask:
- Late-night studying or morning studying?
- Silence or loud music/background noise?
- Will you study in the room or do you prefer libraries/coffee shops?
- Are they okay with you doing other things in the room or do they need total focus?
- Do they tend to need to study a lot or do they study just a little?
Insights into any of these habits will give you a good idea of how you may find your school schedules syncing up!
You Should Ask:
Will you have a job, either off or on campus?
Why You Should Ask This:
Similar to other schedule questions, this will tell you a lot about their comings and goings. But, it might also change how you have to live your life, if you want to be a nice person. If you know your future roommate wants to work as a bartender or a waitress, they might be working late hours and hosting a rager in your dorm when they get back would make anyone grumpy and more prone to pick a fight!
You Should Ask:
Do you have any hobbies you plan on doing in the room?
Why You Should Ask This:
When they’re not in school or work, what are they going to be doing in the room, and is it a hobby you’d be cool with sharing a space with? Every hobby has a plus and a negative and it just depends what sort of hobbies you’re okay with semi absorbing!
ASK THEM…About How They Live
You Should Ask:
How often do you clean?
Why You Should Ask This:
There is no wrong answer here; if you’re a neat-freak, I commend you and admire that. If you’re messy, like I am (I like to call it organized chaos, thank you very much), we’d probably get along. What will happen though, is if you end up with a roommate on one side of the cleaning spectrum and you’re on the other, it’s probably going to start fights and frustrations. A less tidy roommate may agree to try to be cleaner and more organized or a clean roommate may promise not to nag, but when things get stressful, and these habits slip, then what? A statistic by Rentcafe, which talks about all things renting, says that 12% of roommates part ways because of cleaning issues.
You Should Ask:
Do you have any food restrictions?
Why You Should Ask This:
If you’re living in a dorm, most of your food will probably come from dining halls or take-out. However, you might be given a fridge or choose to buy one together. So, is there going to be any food that would be off-limits to the room? Food that would make your life really, really hard to live without? Many food restrictions a roommate has won’t affect you, but it is important to know if they have a severe enough restriction (ex. airborne allergy) that you can’t eat certain foods in the room or store them in the pantry/fridge.
Likewise, if you have a food restriction, you should mention it to a roommate early on, so you find someone that is cool with these boundaries and you don't always have to remind them or have to bring an RA into an issue that’s grown way out of bounds.
You Should Ask:
What is your biggest pet peeve?
Why You Should Ask This:
Not only might this give some really interesting data about how they see themselves (like, if they say none, or have a mile-long list and can’t choose, both of those may be red flags), but if they mention being annoyed with a trait that you have, firstly, don’t take it personally. Just take it as a blessing you found out NOW and not six months in. Secondly, decide if living with someone who gets annoyed about someone who doesn’t like wearing headphones while listening to music, but you like listening to music on your turntable or bluetooth speaker, is the best route for you to go.
You Should Ask:
Have they ever had to share a room with someone else before?
Why You Should Ask This:
This question does not include family! I would say even a summer-camp experience in a log cabin would count. If they say they’ve always gotten a single room, this could mean that the adjustment and journey to compromise might be more difficult.
You Should Ask:
What items are you bringing to share/what would you be expected to share?
Why You Should Ask This:
It would be good to know early on what sort of expectations this potential roommate has for living with someone else. Maybe they expect ALL food to be shared (I did meet a few people like that!). If you’re like me and are a bit protective of your things, or get really specific cravings, this might be a sign you shouldn’t room with this person. It also lets you know what their boundaries are and if they seem to match with yours.
You Should Ask:
What would you be willing to pitch in to buy?
Why You Should Ask This:
If your dorm is as bare-bones as it gets, which usually is a bed, a desk, and maybe a dresser, you might have to pitch in for any ‘extras’. So it might be worth asking your roommate, if they’re not already bringing a microwave or a mini fridge, if they’d be willing to split the cost. And, if they’re not, what would be their expectations for using bigger-ticket items you bring in?
From the personal experience side, my parents helped me buy a T.V for my dorm-room and my roommate previously said she didn’t like watching T.V. , so she didn’t pitch in. But guess who ended up monopolizing my T.V.? It was also my bad, because I should have been clearer from the start about the rules, but it just caused a bit of a complicated mess. Likewise, if either of you are bringing something you already have, make sure to clarify if the other person can use it.
ASK THEM…About Social Life
You Should Ask:
Feelings on having guests over? Or significant others?
Why You Should Ask This:
Chances are you will meet people in college. I hope you do! I hope you meet lots of friends and a significant other, if that’s what you want. And I hope you get to hang out with them a lot and find the right balance between study and fun. But not every free moment can be spent in a campus dive-bar; is your roommate okay with friends coming over to watch a movie? Are they uncomfortable with people past a certain time period? Will they feel really weird if a significant other stays over? More specifically, if you and your potential roommate both agree that guests can visit, make sure to discuss how much notice (if any) is needed before either of you bring someone to the room. This is another important question where, unless you’re really good at working out compromises, it’s best that you both are on the same page with this one.
You Should Ask:
Will you have friends over often or have friends from out of town ever visit?
Why You Should Ask This:
This goes along with how YOU feel about other people in your space. Are you okay with having friends hang out in your room, maybe when you’re not there, or does that give you anxiety? Or, are you okay with entertaining people a lot if they have many friends that want to visit? Would you be okay with someone sleeping on a blow-up bed or your shared couch while they visit or would you hope they stay in a hotel room?
You Should Ask:
How often do they want to go out?
Why You Should Ask This:
It might be fine, and even totally fun, to have a roommate on a widely different event schedule than you. Maybe they’ll fill in what you need; either by showing you some great stay-in board games or movies or taking you to events on campus you’d never otherwise go to. Either way, you know what your limits on each of those things are. I used to think that only the extreme of ‘going out all the time’ would bother me, but I soon learned that ‘never, ever leave the room’ was equally as bad, and maybe I would have set down different ground rules, or theoretically picked someone else if this was told to me earlier.
ASK THEM…About Themselves
You Should Ask:
Where do you live/where did you come from?
Why You Should Ask This:
Once again, the bar is set pretty low to get to know a roommate, since you should probably have some idea about the basics of a dorm-mate, but this question is, like most of these, double-sided.
If they live really close, this could mean they might go home on weekends often, which would mean you get a dorm to yourself! And, if they know the area and you don’t, they may be a great tour guide! On the downside, this could also mean they have guests from their hometown frequently, like friends or family.
If they live really far away, that could mean that for holidays or breaks they’ll be around. But on the plus side, it would likely mean that their trips home would be planned in advance and unlikely to change.
You Should Ask:
What’s your zodiac sign/ Meyers-Briggs/ love-language/ Hogwarts House/ Divergent Faction?
Why You Should Ask This:
Can you tell I’m a millennial? I think my age is showing.
Okay, so maybe you don’t believe in this at all. All these questions are optional. But, if you happen to be a fan of one of these things, it would let you know that they might be a fan too. And, I think it’s fascinating how people categorize themselves; how they answer their Hogwarts house is how they see (or want to believe) they are. On the other hand, if they totally scoff at you even bringing up zodiac signs, they may not have the type of personality that you’d get along with. If you’re into psychology, this question might be at the top of your list.
You Should Ask:
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Why You Should Ask This:
This may be a basic question, but it can weed out potentials quickly. You know the vibe you’re looking for. If you’re an introvert, maybe you want an extroverted roommate to get you out of your comfort zone. Or maybe that sounds horrible and you want someone who will stay in on weekends. Likewise, if you’re an extrovert, maybe you need an introvert to ground you at times. Or, knowing that an introvert will be in your dorm a lot may drive you up a wall.
You Should Ask:
How do you de-stress yourself?
Why You Should Ask This:
Say it with me. College. Is. Stressful.
You may think you’re a pro at handling stress, or maybe your future roommate thinks this, but there will come a time when you are questioning everything and are stressed out of your mind. It may happen often. It’s not just that you have classes probably at a higher level of engagement and thinking than you did in high school, but suddenly, you’re in charge of your own schedule; what you’re eating, when you study, if you’re going to skip class or not…this freedom, this absolute boundless and endless field of choices at every turn, is really overwhelming sometimes. And that’s okay.
But if your roommate de-stresses in a way that would stress you out, that seems a bit counter-productive, no?
ASK THEM…About School
You Should Ask:
What is your major?
Why You Should Ask This:
Well, it should hopefully be obvious. If you’re living with this person, this would be a good starting question. But, I do think it goes deeper than that.
If you’re both in the same college of study, it may make schedules easier, because you’d both be on the same exam timeline. It’s okay if you’re not too; variety is the spice of life. And while I certainly hate a lot of stereotypes of what it’s like being in each major because everyone goes through college differently, there are going to be some majors that might be more your style to live with than others. For example; one of my majors was visual art. I had to often bring projects home; painting, print-carving, sewing, clay, inking…it got really messy and I needed a lot of room and a lot of focus. That might not make me the ideal roommate for everyone. Or, certain engineering majors tend to be very intensive and would require a lot of study and very stressful periods. Or maybe your dorm mate wants to major in music…and they just really love playing the piccolo. Are you okay with some practicing in the room? The type of major someone picks might help you make your choice.
You Should Ask:
What sort of campus activities are you interested in joining?
Why You Should Ask This:
Do your interests line up? Are you going to see them all the time because it’s like you’re the same person (and are you okay with that) or do they have interests that go against who you are as a person, or interests that you’re really not into? You can room with people that have interests apart from yours, but maybe finding an overlapping interest or hobby will help the roommate bonding move just a smidge faster.
***
As stated above, this list is hardly the tip of the iceberg of questions that you may want to ask someone. Questions that are super important to you might not have made this list, and likewise, you might not care at all what their zodiac sign is or how they like to study. The bottom line of this is to start thinking about how you live and work under the best conditions, and what sort of conditions you’d need with another person sharing that (often) very small space.
I would also remind you that having a roommate is a give and take scenario. There may be some things you have to sacrifice for the sake of getting along amicably or finding a roommate. Be sure to know what your limits are before you start searching and what sorts of qualities you’d prefer but aren’t deal-breaks.
As the college move-in and roommate searching season begins, I bid all of you good luck!
Wondering what you'll do after college? Download the Pathmatch app to discover companies that match your interests, strengths, and goals! Pathmatch can help find the perfect career fit for you!
